Reflecting on 2022

This article is a perfect January article. I started this blog in December but kept deferring to publish. Better late than never, I decided to post it now, at least in 2023. 2022 was a very adventurous and one of the best years for me. I discovered some beautiful things and developed some good habits that I list below to celebrate the positives.

Coming out of disability — I managed and gathered confidence in my walking ability this year. The story goes like this — I was diagnosed with XYZ. I first noticed it when I had trouble standing in the kitchen for even 4 minutes — the time required to cut two potatoes and one onion. I thought walking would help, but I could not walk for more than six steps — my knee would give up. Then I thought of doing elliptical, but my knee would start to hurt. When I would go over to my friend’s houses, they would run to get a chair for me or give me theirs so I don’t have to stand. They had good intentions, but it made me sad. Walking into the grocery store was also very difficult, and standing in the line even more. It made me feel like a disabled person, which was not only sad but scary. I had to lose weight, but I did not know what to do with all these limitations. Then I remembered the Hindu religion, which has many vrats, pooja, and fasting. A thought came to me — I will follow “Dharma,” and I decided to follow the Hindu religion. But, I did not know religion, so I did not know what to follow. So, my first step was to understand religion.

Understanding Dharma: I took the following steps

1. My first step towards understanding Hindu Dharma was to find out about various festivals. This website was a tremendous help.
2. Understand why, what, and how. After doing several searches I came up with this list for all the pooja and rituals ( the how part).
3. Next, why? For that, I started reading translations of various Upanishads and Purans. I was surprised to find them analyzing, questioning, and using logic to explain everything. It gave me a sense of pride, and at the same time, I also felt — why I remained distanced from Dharma for so long.
4. Next was the actual implementation part of pooja and vrat. Initially, it could have been more haphazard. In fact, even now, I am not on time for rituals, but I am definitely getting much better. I got the energy and determination from pooja to do all the fasting. Jap and Bhajan calmed my mind, and I was happier. After Durga pooja, I lost 5 pounds, which was a positive sign. Something could change. Then next came the thought of doing Yoga since I could not exercise.

Leading a Yogic life: Due to COVID, I registered for an online class that was advertised in search results. I hated the class and made every excuse to skip it. I could not even sit on the ground without a pillow nor lift my hand straight up. “Shavasana” ( corpse pose) was my favorite asan. I would wait for the class to end. Breathing exercises would annoy me because my inhale was short, my exhale too quick, and I could not breathe, as my teacher explained. But I continued anyways.

After three months, I noticed the fat mass collected near my elbow reduced. It gave me some hope. After five months, my instructor was happy because I was able to hold asan’s for two breaths. She initiated me into Vinyasa and kept on encouraging me. I started reading books on Yoga. I read the Patanjali yoga Sutra’s. I began to eat fresh food and developed a routine. I started to respect and thank the food. This has made a big difference.

Getting rid of obesity: I started doing Ekadashi Vrat and learned after a few months that we should read Vishnu Sahasranam Stotra on this day. So, I downloaded the Vishnu Saharanam translation and English text. Reading Sanskrit was hard for me, but Utube videos of M.S Subbalakshmi helped me. I realized that sitting straight and chanting the mantras is also an exercise. It activated my core and increased my stamina. I started to look forward to Ekadashi chanting because that made me understand the meaning of Atma, creation, and Brahma to a certain extent. All of it is very beautiful and helps clear your mind. Yoga and chanting both helped each other. I was doing Yoga much better now. I looked forward to five days of Ganesh Chaturthi and nine days of Navratri vrat. Finally, in November, I was only 3 pounds over the normal weight range when visiting India. Sometime in December, I reached the normal weight range.

Supporting daughter: My mind was much better, and stress had also reduced, perhaps due to religious rituals. I started to accept that there were issues and that I needed to work with my daughter. My husband and I worked together as parents to help our daughter, and we are still working on it.

Responsibility of ailing mother: Once I started working with my daughter, I also became concerned about my mother, who is ailing from her disease and is all alone in India. She has had an incurable disease for the last three years. I detail all the ordeal and my learnings in remote care for my mom here.

Developed Decision-making skills — Since childhood, my decision-making and analyzing abilities did not have much practice. But, now I had to decide for my mother. I was scared and unable to make decisions like — whom to hire, how much money to spend, what expenses to take care of etc.. . Like anything new, it was stressful, but I made those decisions. Perhaps, my mom taught me her last lesson — to be able to make decisions.

Loving In-law — As I see my ailing mother, who is alone, I remember my father-in-law, who is alone too. I am trying to build a daughter-in-law’s father-in-law relationship with him so he can rely on me for care. I am working towards making that trust and ensuring he remains active as he ages.

Coming out of toxic relations — Sometimes, the ties of your blood relations cause a lot of trauma. You end up tolerating their abuse to save the relationship of your close ones with your abusers. I have suffered this for 10+ years. Finally, I decided not anymore. I am free now. No more toxicity. No more fear and no more scrutinizing anything.

Life over office: I have learned to accept and have gotten better at not letting office work/politics impact me and choosing happiness. Just detach to keep yourself safe and decide to be happy. Work is for life, and life is not for work.